Friends with Benefits: So Who Does This Benefit, Exactly?

Ahhh, friends with benefits. Just the phrase alone often elicits intense debate among those who advocate for it and those who stand against it. On a past episode of "THE INNERMIX SHOW", Simply D and Jules discussed the terms, the factors that go into play, the reasons why people choose to engage in it, and most importantly, the benefits. Who exactly does it benefit?

Warning: Your friends with benefits experience probably won't turn out as cute as this one.

First, let’s think about why people choose to engage in these kinds of relationships. Is it out of loneliness? Fear of being alone? Fear of commitment? The opportunity to get some play while searching for an actual relationship? The answer is: all of the above. People have different reasons on why they would choose to compromise themselves for a half-hearted substitute of a relationship. 

Sometimes, the friends-with-benefits situation happens because certain people are looking for someone to spend time with, but not fully commit to. They go in head-first while holding on to the notion that emotions will not be involved….yeah, right. This is exactly how people get into situations that resemble the plots of silly romantic comedies. Except most of the time, there are no happy endings.

Men and women, alike, think that being friends-with-benefits with someone will create that type of situation where their relationship will turn into something more, which usually involves sex. In giving the other person sex, they will build a bond together. And this bond will grow into that of emotional attachment and a desire to take the relationship further.

“Sex does not necessarily mean intimacy, but a lot of people take it as intimacy,” points out Simply D.

Now, here is where things get a little messy. Even if both parties involved may have talked about leaving emotions out of the relationship, when one person starts getting way more invested in the other, someone gets hurt. No one wants to hear, “Oh, but I thought we were just banging.” Ouch.

Pictured: Hollywood, not reality. It's much...messier.

So what is a person to do in this type of situation? There are men and women out there who are looking for the real thing, that loving and honest relationship that may eventually lead to marriage. And there are those who are looking for the exact opposite. Be honest. Be truthful. Be upfront about who you are and what you are looking for.

“If you are looking for something real, then act like it. Be about it,” emphasizes Simply D and Jules. “You have to keep on talking to yourself, reminding yourself that if you don’t want to be used for playtime, then tell yourself that you will not be anyone’s plaything.”

So, let’s take a look at everything we’ve just talked about. Friends-with-benefits? Do or don’t? Well, when Deon asks Jules her this very question, Jules took to some good ol' fashioned cartoon sound effects: SMACK.

Touche, Jules.

Until next time,

Tiffany