Tonight on THE INNERMIX SHOW

Hello blogosphere!


Don't for get that TONIGHT at 9pm PST is another episode of THE INNERMIX SHOW. Our topic of discussion will be "Read the Signs, Know the Road." We'll talk about signals that tell you when your relationship is heading south, how to deal with them, and when to get out before it gets worse. 


Having a rough time in your relationship, and trying to figure out if it has gone wrong? Call in tonight during the show at (714) 816-4765 to get some of the best advice out there. Intern promise, it's that good!

Click here to tune into the show tonight. In the meantime, Happy Monday!

-Kat

The "Laws" of Attraction

Let's play a game. 

Imagine you’re hanging out at a coffee shop with your friends. It’s a beautiful day and you’re in the middle of a seemingly innocent chat, when suddenly, a handsome stranger makes his entrance. This fully-fledged Adonis, who appears carved out of stone and cloaked in a captivating aura, seems to stop time. You found yourself lost for words until you realize that you needed to close your mouth, stop the drooling, and try to fake normalcy.

Now, this has never happened to me and I’m just drawing from an ever so common--Okay, maybe this did happen to me a couple of times. Anyways, ask yourself this: what was it about this seemingly perfect stranger that caught your eye?

It’s an age-old question that has plagued us for millenia continues to spark theories and debate among relationship articles, talk shows, and friends over what actually make a person attractive. Is there some universal Law of Attraction that draws you to another person? Does it all boil down to physical attractiveness? Or is beauty not always so skin deep?

One of the most interesting and controversial topics that Simply D and Jules covered on “THE INNERMIX SHOW” were these hypothetical Laws of Attraction, in which they attempted to find the common denominator that would make someone attractive to a large demographic.

Jules listed off some of the common attributes that women often look for in men. Yes, you’ve heard it all before: talent, intelligence, humor, and confidence. That should be easy to find, right?

Unsatisfied by the list and insisting that the personality attributes and physical attributes aren’t always correlated, Simply D asked, “What would draw you into someone if he were just to be walking by?”

Jules was ready with an answer for that one: “It’s in their aura. You can see it in the way that they act, the way they dress. It’s in their body language. Whatever they feel on the inside will be expressed outwardly. So those things do have correlation and is not totally separate. If someone who has all these attributes walks by, a larger percentage will be attracted this person!”

We can dig deep like that, but let’s come back up to the surface for a minute. A very insightful and humorous caller named Maurice gave his insights into the show by asking Simply D and Jules a difficult yet thought-provoking question.

“What is the caveman point of view from a woman? You see, the list you gave me was more media driven. I didn’t get to hear the raw, nitty-gritty stuff. What I’d like to hear is not just the “what makes a man attractive” list, but the “I want to have babies with that guy” list!” exclaimed Maurice.

At this point in the show, I started laughing hysterically. I personally never thought about making that kind of list, but now that he mentioned it, I was just as curious in hearing it as he was.

“Most women talk about the fuzzy stuff,” he continued. “Get to the bottom line! I hear women side step that baseline and tell us all the fuzzy stuff, such as in that list you gave me earlier.”

Jules listed off a series of features that I’m sure most of us ladies can agree on: Strong jawlines and noses. Defined eyes. Broad shoulders. Good height. All great physical features that can catch our eyes of just one glance.

“Yes, your eyes will look for those features but those aren’t the only things we look for. When someone who has feminine features can still come up confident with swagger and humor, he can win me over in a second. My initial attraction by my eyes has nothing to do with what I find attractive overall. So that fuzzy stuff still does come into play with what women want,” insisted Jules.

In the end, women and men will probably never understand what makes them attractive to each other, and it may be a mystery that cannot be explained by mere science or psychology. Because of the subjective nature of how we label some as attractive and others as unattractive, perhaps that is a question only we can answer on our own. And still, we may not all agree.

But since we’re on the topic, just for kicks, let’s take a look at a question that you readers may be interested in. What do you think draws people to Jules physically? And what draws people to Deon? Let’s hear the answers from our radio hosts themselves.

“One thing we noticed is that people tend to talk about how she walks, her hair and her eyes. Those are the 3 things we hear about the most. When Jules is acting and I’m talking to some of the guys, they say, ‘Man…that hair,’ or, ‘Did you see those eyes? She can cut a diamond with those eyes,’” chuckled Simply D.

As for Simply D?

“He attracts people through his voice. There’s something very soothing, inviting, fatherly about his voice and the way he carries himself. That’s a quality I wish I had,” smiled Jules.

So Laws of Attraction may be a misnomer: it’s not a law or a formula or a set of instructions that draw people to you. It’s a combination of your physical attributes and your aura. And if there’s one thing you can learn from Simply D and Jules, remember that confidence trumps everything in the end. Whatever confidence you possess deep inside you will radiate from within and magnify your attractiveness on both a physical, emotional and spiritual level. And that, my lovely readers, is the real magic potion.

Until next time,
Tiffany

Stress Management 101: The Basics

Google Image's #3 Search Result for "Stress": 

It spoke to me more than the first two results

When people hear about us, they tend to ask Simply D and Jules two questions:

(1)  So what does Innermix not do?, and

(2)  How do you handle the stress?

Innermix has a lot of plates in the air; from The Innermix Show to Innermix P&P to music, and so many other things in between, we are always working on something (if not multiple things). Our Innermix family gels so well together because we all love to wear different hats and maximize our creativity on multiple projects.

The fact is, taking on so much can be stressful—emphasis on the FULL. There are moments where any one of us may feel overwhelmed, unsure of how to proceed, or even nervous about what we have coming up; as Ben "Spiderman's Uncle" Parker has been known to say, “with great power comes great responsibility,” and that can feel like a lot of weight on your shoulders, especially when you really care about what you’re doing.

Follow these tips and you, too, could be a Spandex-wearing super-arachnid.

But the key is stress management, something that Innermix has mastered and tries to teach the rest of us (myself included, as recent events have shown). So, in the interest of spreading the good will and the stress management, here are some tips I’ve picked up from working with Simply D and Jules.

• 1.     Don’t be afraid to laugh. When we first discussed stress management, Simply D brought up that people, particularly young women, can quite literally die from stress. Being that “young women” is my demographic and I have been known to majorly wig out when overwhelmed, just hearing that I could die of stress (which, though it’s not at all what D said, is what I heard) made me stressed. But then I laughed at myself. When I mentioned it, D said that precise reaction is why I work so well with this team: I’ve learned to accept stressors and move on from them, to laugh at myself rather than get stressed over minutia. I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered that, but it’s good advice. Just as you laugh in the face of danger, try laughing in the face of stress.
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• 2.     Learn to ask for help. The worst mistake you can make is to take on too much and never tell anyone. Internalizing the problem helps no one, and can hurt you and your projects in the long run. Swallow your pride and ask for help—an extra hand, someone to talk to, fewer assignments—and you’ll end up happier in the long run.
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• 3.     Surround yourself with positive people you love. This one should be self-explanatory: the ones you care about, and who care about you, will lighten your load simply by being there.
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• 4.     Find a (healthy) release. Everyone needs something that takes him or her away from his or her stressors. In the absence of a having I pet, I fall back on these insanely addicting $18/hour massages I get in SGV; just writing about this makes me want to cuddle with my Golden Retriever and get the knots worked out of my back. But find what works for you: watch a horrible movie, dance to loud music in your room, go to yoga—the point is, pressure needs a release valve. Take the time to find yours.

Meet Hurley (front) and Desmond (back), my anti-stress. 

There will be MANY more of these stress-management tips to come—Simply D and Jules are full of them, believe me. I’ll be sharing them with you as I get them, imparting the wisdom of two of the busiest and happiest people I know. 

Have any tips of your own? Hit me up in the comments!

Catch y'all on the flip, 

Kat

When We're Not Working...: A Trip to Cancun with Tiffany

 As a travel addict who may have overdosed on urban destinations, I have often dreamed of sailing off to a far-away land with pristine, white sand beaches and crystal blue waters for miles. Lucky for me, my dream came true at the end of March, when I took advantage of some room in my busy schedule and jetted off to one of the top travel destinations in the world: Cancun, Mexico.

If you’re wondering what Cancun is like, or if you’re thinking of where to go for your next excursion, here’s my take on this little slice of paradise.

If you’re looking for the full-out tourist experience, Cancun is the place for you. Almost every hotel in the city boasts a beautiful ocean view, and I was amazed when I threw open the curtains to my room and saw a magazine-worthy seascape.

In addition to picturesque views, Cancun boasts an array of activities, from the vacation basics—jet skiing, kayaking, etc.—to more adventurous fare like swimming with dolphins, parasailing, and even underwater cave diving. The options are endless, and it can be a bit overwhelming when it comes to planning out your itinerary. My tip? Do some research online ahead of time, but don’t book it. The hotels you stay in usually offer discounts and better rates for their guests, so wait to see what deals the concierge might throw your way.

As a marine animal lover, I jumped at the chance to swim with dolphins. Unfortunately, personal cameras were not allowed during the activity, so I don’t have any pictures. But for those who have never gotten a chance to play with dolphins before, it was definitely a surreal experience that belongs on everyone’s Bucket Lists. I waded into a shallow pool where I got to pet, feed, and play with two beautiful Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphins. I even got a little kiss on the cheek from one of them! How’s that for once in a lifetime?

In the evening, I ventured out into the city, in hopes of dining on some of Cancun’s famous seafood. With such a diverse array of fish to try, I couldn’t get enough, and I even got adventurous. When offered a choice between the Red snapper and the Snook, I went with the latter, which the waitress told me is “Mexico’s version of the sea bass.”

Pictured: Snook. Not to be confused with Snook-i.

When it comes to nightlife, Cancun isn’t much different from a party capital, like say, Las Vegas or Los Angeles. Let’s just say that MTV isn’t exaggerating anything on their Spring Break specials. Now I didn’t dance on tables or anything, but I did have a good time in my own way…

Yes, I so happened to grab a random balloon that the bartender was passing out decided to pose with it. How’s that for a crazy night? But the next morning, I was ready to put away my party dress and put on my bikini—and a snorkel. After all, what’s a good trip to the ocean without some snorkeling?

Okay, I lied. I was actually TERRIFIED of snorkeling, and I had been ever since I went snorkeling in the 8^th grade and got tangled up in a stalk of 200-ft. kelp while my friend found a small dead fish in her flippers. Really. Not. Fun.

But after a lot of persuading, I swallowed my fear and decided to be a good sport in the face of my arch nemesis, Seaweed. My worries were momentarily quashed the moment I realized that I would be driving this on my way to the snorkeling area:

(I think the proper phrase to describe my mood would be: “I’M ON A BOAT!”)

I, along with other snorkelers who were part of the tour, drove the little speedboats out past the mangroves and the blue lagoon into the coral reef, already packed with other snorkelers happily bobbing along the surface. Cancun is home to the second largest coral reef in the world, and is teeming with many different types of fish and life.

Luckily, my second snorkeling experience was a vast improvement upon the first, and I even started to enjoy seeing the fish just keep swimming—at least until I found myself surrounded by a UCLA-sized school of them, each larger than my head. But just as I started to think, “Oh, boy, here we go again,” I adjusted to my new friends and had a fun time exploring the rest of the reef.

Then came my third and final day; I had accomplished a lot, but I had one more thing to cross off my list before going back (back) to Cali (Cali). What more perfect way to say good-bye Cancun than to spend some time in the air looking over it? Just half an hour after having breakfast by the pier, I found myself on a small boat that seemed to be rocking a little too hard on the waves, laced up to a parachute.

Parasailing is quite similar to sitting on a swing, where your feet are dangling from down below and you are supported by harnesses and straps for chairs. To be honest, I expected to go a lot faster and was bracing myself for a wild ride. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was no scarier than...well, sitting on a swing. Unless of course you’re terrified of heights. Then, you’re fresh out of luck.

 Up, up and away I go!

The overall experience was quite serene and relaxing. I had the opportunity to gaze upon miles and miles of turquoise and crystal blue waters, hear the sound of waves crashing along the shore and see hundreds of happy beachcombers, some of who waved hello from down below. I felt a bit seasick from the rocking boat, but the beautiful view was enough to calm my churning stomach. 

This was basically visual Pepto Bismol.

Being in Cancun and having the chance to experience the wondrous beauty of what nature has given to us was like living in a dream world, an escape from an urban life that most of us live in every day. Just looking at these pictures, I can feel the ocean breeze on my face and hear the sound of waves crashing outside my balcony. If you’ve ever thought of taking a little sojourn south of the border, I hope that this has helped you decide that you should definitely go to Cancun. And, just for a parting shot, this picture pretty much sums up how I felt the whole time in Cancun.  

Until next time,

Tiffany 

Hazard: Ruinous Relationship Ahead

Relationships can take you from this...

...to this.

Though we try to stray away, toxic relationships can seem unavoidable—especially if you can’t spot them right away. A friendship can start out idyllic, and then slowly deteriorate into something twisted and unrecognizable. Let’s take, for instance my old friend James*.

I met James in my sophomore year of college. He was a transfer student who had just joined one of the student organizations that I was avidly involved in, and he seemed just as passionate. He was tall and muscular, came off a little shy, and was, if you’re into white boys, very attractive. He wasn’t my taste, but my best friend Charlotte* was crushing hard. Being the self-proclaimed excellent wing-woman that I am, I started inviting James to hang out with Charlotte, myself, and our friends outside of practices and meetings. Over time, Charlotte and James developed their own toxic relationship. Seeing the emotional toll their breakups and make-ups took on her was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but it would be unfair for me to tell a story that is truly hers.

It happened gradually, to the point that I honestly can’t pinpoint a date where it all changed, but I eventually went from friend to verbal punching bag. It could be anything: Everything I said was stupid, and he was smarter. My clothes were bad, and he had more style. No one liked me, and everyone loved him. Every time we went out to dinner, had a meeting, or did anything all together, I came home feeling about the size of a Borrower.

But what tipped the scale all the way to toxic: a comment about my weight.

I was still getting over the Freshman 15 at the time, and, like most 19 year old girls, was already struggling with my body image, so for him to call me fat was probably the most heinous thing I could imagine. Combine that with the months of emotional erosion, and I all but collapsed in on myself like a dying star. I simply couldn’t handle being around him anymore, so I cut him out of my life as best I could. I removed myself from any situation outside of group meetings that involved him, and even there I stayed as far away as possible.

Unfortunately, that meant I had to spend some time away from that group of friends; they hadn’t seen the dark side for themselves, and, hoping that they never would, I didn’t want to turn people against him. Luckily I have never been wanting for good company, and with an amazing support system outside the toxicity I eventually got my groove back. Then came time for Charlotte and James to fall apart, and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments that I never uttered the words, “I told you so.” After that, I was free to return to my old friendships.

My friendship with James was big-T Toxic, and there is no doubt in my mind that a continued relationship with him would have hurt my health, mentally and physically. But I am glad for that relationship because it made me stronger. In the now-famous words of Kelly Clarkson, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger**.”

If only this song had been around in 2010...

Two years ago, I had no backbone, no self-sustaining confidence, and a shaky-at-best sense of self worth. James tore me down, as if he exploded my very foundations with dynamite, but I built them back up stronger than before. Once you see something broken, you know how to fix it for good. Going through the emotional ringer taught me to find what I like about myself and stick to it, to stand up for myself, and to not rely on other people for my own self worth. There is no world in which I would wish a James experience on anyone—not even on James—but I do hope that everyone learns, in their own way, that you have the power to get out a toxic relationship and to become better for it.


Catch y'all on the flip,


Kat

*Names have been changed, of course.

**I'm sure someone else said it first, but after all those Camry commercials, Kelly is what comes to mind. 

Tonight on The Innermix Show: What's Love Got To Do With It?

Don't forget about the next episode of The Innermix Show, tonight at 9pm PT. Click this link to listen up!

Tonight's topic: What's Love Got To Do With It?

People seem to care less and less about love when it comes to relationships, placing superficial concerns like money and looks over chemistry and real connections even in marriage. What kind of effect does this have on modern friendships and romances? What should we be looking for in our friends, spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends? It's all fair game TONIGHT with Innermix!

Have a question or a comment? Leave it here, or call (714) 816-4765 tonight during the show. Looking forward to hearing from you!